In something i was reading for one of my classes, they said that women usually define themselves in relation to others. So someone might define herself in relationship to her siblings, parents, or significant others. It got me to thinking about how I define myself.

I'd like to think that i define myself as an individual that is independently happy. But truthfully, I think that i may put too much stock in my relationship with others. I should really be putting all of my stock in my relationship with Christ. I should strive to get to a place, where my foundation in him is so solid, that regardless of what's going on in my life and in my relationships with others that I know, at the end of the day that I have everything i need in Him.

Now I love all my family and friends and I thank God for them, because they are icing on top of the cake and blessings from God. I just want to be soooooo rooted in Him, that I don't rely on others but rely on God fully.

Aside from that...

Tonight I went to an intervarsity large group meeting. Let's just say I was totally out of my element. I went in with the idea that I would just go and hear Keenon speak and then leave. Let's just say, I didn't go with the greatest of intentions or in a good frame of mind. I even plotted ways to put off vibes so that many people wouldn't come and speak to me.

But i was standing there as they started the worship service and of course I only knew part of one song. But I was standing there thinking to myself, just because i don't know these songs, I should be able to praise and worship God. I was just soooo aware and thinking about how uncomfortable i was in this new environment. So I tried to push it out of my mind and focus on God. It was just a wake up call to me, that i just need to take it back to the basics. I don't need my kind of music to worship and praise God, or any music for that matter. It's not about me, or the physical environment, it's about God.

I think sometimes we just get so used to our church or our routines. I'm glad I got out of my element tonight. I feel like God is really dealing with me on a couple of things which i won't go into detail on.

But I just thank God for the ways that he guides us to the places we need to be. He's an awesome God!

anyhoo

Later DayZ

Confidence

Ok...So this past weekend was a big weekend for me. I had my interview for the hall director position on friday, which was from 8:30 to about 2pm. It was kind of intense but not really. Then I had the interview for the grad program that i applied to. That was not stressful at all. Im just sitting here and thinking about it all. I wasn't nervous at all.

That is unusual for me because I always get nervous and worried about things. But since I traded in my worrying for faith, hope and confidence, life has been much more pleasant. It all goes back to knowing that whatever happens, I know that God is my provider and he is and will continue to care for me.

It's just amazing to look back where God has brought me from. I used to be so shy and lacked a lot of confidence. I was unsure of myself and frequently afraid to try new things. Though i did make many attempts in high school. (I was in the talent show and danced to an out of eden song...but i couldn't remember all the steps) lol...one of my most embarrassing moments. Then there i had a couple of solos in chorus. It seemed like i would always get choked up and my throat couldn't work to it's full potential. I always did okay, though back then it was like an out of body experience.

And right before i decided to apply to grad school...i kept feeling like i couldn't do it...but then i realized that I am capable of doing it. And doing it well. I'm a child of the King. I can do anything through Him. It's just amazing how much confidence I've gained and i know it came from God. I had been praying for this and he has been working on me.

I went to those interviews, was myself the whole time and felt good about it.

Bless God! He is sooo good! I'll let you all know what happens when i get the news from the program.

Later DAyZ